My sister was talking me through some of my creative blocks on the Ballad of Nod Scripts. We were reviewing something I had come to realize about myself. When I was five years old I got the chance to go to Disneyland. It for me was a big thing. At the end of the night My father literally had to pry me off of the iron railings outside of the haunted house. I didn't want to leave. To calm me down there is a little booth just as you leave near the park entrance that had stuffed toys, and he stopped to let me pick something. I skipped the mickeys and the Donalds and picked up a Dumbo plushy. It had this texture that felt like a rough fleece quilt, and a sand filled bottom. This toy became my best friend for the next decade.

Why do Kids need safety blankets? Why did I become so amazingly attached to this plushy elephant? I was not majorly attached to the animation...

What was it..?

I have spoken before about how my childhood was... unstable. I can honestly say though the one place nothing bad ever happened to me was at Disneyland. I have been back 5 times as an adult. Despite the circus and the cost its a thing for me. Nothing bad happened to me at Disneyland. That day at five years old it became some kind of a safe haven for me, and that little guy became a beacon. We give things their value, in all honesty a stuffed animal is nothing more then a collection of dies and cotton. However if he went missing I couldn't sleep. If someone had hurt him it was on. Every tear that was soaked into his stuffing, every squeeze during my childhood temper tantrums, and every afternoon where he and the other toys played out the world I believed in instead of the ridiculousness of my real life became the sum of his worth.

Its been years since my little buddy was destroyed in a plumbing accident. Its been far longer since he was my daily companion. However even know when I think back on being that scared little boy with a horrid fever, and a bout of mono at age 8 I remember the comforting feeling of holding him, wrapping up in my favorite blanket, and the greatest stolen pillow known to man. He had value to me, and every kid should know that feeling even if they didnt have the self worth, or teh resources other kids did.

Disneyland, and its avatar was my symbol of hope and faith. Hope that things could get better, and the faith that things would. If I had felt safe once I could again. If you are lucky you find those beacons, if you are luckier you don't forget them. In the back of my head I can still feel that little guy cradled in my arms and letting me hug out my fears and anxiety.