Recently I spoke about the short interview I did with Sacramento News and Review. I wanted to talk about investing in yourself for a bit. People close to me know I struggle with this concept strongly. When I was 18 I was lucky enough to intern at the magazine as an editorial Illustrator and graphic designer. I was working under a creative art director who was very independent and willing to let myself be creative as long as my quality level was managed. For example there was a day that just for me Don played the entire Master of Puppets Vinyl, after subjecting me to three days in a row of different pink floyd albums. While there I  Learned how to work with illustration customers, find a designing eye, and work on professional collaborations. (This part was no light feat. I was kind of immature) Over all I loved the experience, but there was a lesson being there should have taught me that I did not learn. A lesson that even today affects my life because I missed it, and I am struggling to redeem myself as a result.

Invest in yourself.

This doesn't just mean go get loans and start a business al though that is the shape it can take. The lesson itself is a core thing that I firmly believe our schools are breeding out of us along with the ridiculous concept of corporate america taking care of its employees. (This I have found to be absolutely incorrect over time.) The core part of this is the value of yourself. I earned my way into that internship, I earned its completion and all that came with it afterwards. My own self worth devalued it like a fool. I worked too hard doing uncreative things soon after that for a noble reason, but every day I grew more disappointing in myself. Eventually after enough trauma this would build to me walking away from a good paying corporate job.  It started back then though.

Investing in yourself means giving yourself the right tools to accomplish your plan and trusting yourself enough to know that not only do you deserve the good things you are reaching. In my case I have made progress. I know now I am worth working towards something. Inheritance will prove this as it gathers more momentum even more so. All of it is built on 2000 decisions to focus on something building towards what I want. If there is a single lesson I would speak to a 16 year old version of myself it would be this "Invest all of your time and all of your efforts into doing what you want to do, on your own. Do not go join a corporation it isn't for you."

I still struggle with this though. As a matter of transparency I would be more productive with new hardware, but I just can not bring myself to spend what I need to at the moment. While there are obvious reasons related to resources I am capable of relating its also an emotional thing. The biggest hurdle in all of this is believing that I a valuable enough to spend the capital, or get a loan etc. After Fernley I am still paralyzed with fear over the guilt form having lost so much. It makes it difficult to see the opportunities to invest in myself. I am a lucky man though. There are people who support me and point them out. I may not be able to act on all of them, but It feels good each time I chew away at them a bit at a time.


Take my advice don't wait until your deathbed, and more importantly teach this to your children, your co workers, your spouse your wife. If we do not invest in ourselves no one will.


Angry but learning....