Fear can be one hell of a motivator.

  • I am human, just like other humans I can be afraid. Though a couple of my siblings may argue otherwise. That fear causes anger, resentment, and quite honestly me lying to myself. At UPS I was afraid to leave, so for a decade I lied to myself. In doing so I became convinced where I was headed was the right way to go. I was running away form watching my parents entomb themselves and I was running away from betting on myself, my talent and my passion. That fear put me in a position that made me sick, resentment built up to a miserable level that encouraged a mindset filled with anger eventually led to a rather spectacular failure that put more stress on my family then I had ever intention-ed.
  • All of this because I was not honest with myself. Authenticity in my opinion is a big part of defeating fear. Its a big part of who I want to be, and when ever I have denied it, fear made decisions for me. All of us. All people have a mix of fear and faith in their lives. Admittedly I was raised far more with Fear as a dominant element which explains why I struggle. By scary so people will fear you instead of you fearing them. If your afraid lash out. Be afraid because the world is out to get you. Don't ever do it alone because it will fail. Watch out for that guy over there he has a problem with you. Examples are in ready supply.

Does she look like she feels my fear?

My daughter age 2 eating ice cream in Fernley

My kids and Fear

  • Are my kids going to learn this from me? Is Camille going to see these examples and hide behind my shadow instead of going to the world and becoming who and what she wants? James... James keeps telling me hes afraid to grow up and being five is too much fun. Is he seeing what I am struggling with and trying to avoid it? Fear can keeps us alive, but if it goes too far we hide from everything, and there are a lot of ways to hide.
  • My parents hid, they used drugs, adultery and irresponsibility as each year grew more challenging. I have more respect for my father because he tried to get out of the cycle a few times. He opened his own business three different times, but in the end he struggled and became consumed. There were jobs he took that were opportunities to pay bills, but they made him miserable. it came out in other ways and we saw it. I remember the fear of who he was. I remember the regret when he looked at his choices in certain times.
  • I prefer to remember my dad as a hero, and I do. I hope dearly my kids will say the same 40 years from now. More importantly though, is that they learn to move beyond it, through it, without dragging it behind them every step they go.
  • Look at this picture. This is the image of a little girl who knows no fear. To her the world is a place to have fun, love others, and play. How and more importantly why do we as adults end up changing that? It started with one decision at a time, one compromise building up to confusion, and regret.

How do we move beyond it?

  • Its not easy moving past fear. It takes a lot of self reflection and honesty with yourself. It is so much easier to hide. Like all things between right and wrong you have to choose, and the right thing is never easy.
  • This means when you look outside and you are scared because of what you see its up to you to get up and learn what to do about the situation. It means being honest and growing beyond the herd your in. It means looking yourself in the mirror and instead of only seeing your faults, and or only seeing your good points you see you.
  • Our kids will only become better then us if we are struggling to be better then us. Screw the lesser of two evils. Screw blaming everyone and everything else. It starts with each of us and there is always time to be better then you were yesterday.