943837_10206003959921371_4140789191232013763_nReaching out

I like listening to podcasts. I should I am on one now. But this morning on the way to work I had to stop for a moment. Somewhere in Sacramento in a dirty grey parking lot I had to catch my breath. The wind telephone was the topic of discussion on This American Life. It can be listened to here. Why did I have to pull over and recompose myself? I want to just say its because the story was touching and I had a connection with it simply because I have lost someone, but thats not the truth.

The truth is I had to recompose myself because just after my father died. Just after I had gotten back from dealing with the remains. I called Dad.

I knew he wouldn't be there, that was not why I had called him on the telephone. Listening to these people in these moments talking openly to those they had lost was... Well it was connecting and confronting in a way. I am jealous of how those people could voice themselves.

The Booth

The Wind Phone is sitting on a hill top in japan as a result of the Tsunami, part of me wishes it was closer. Not that any damn thing can be what that booth is. That phone call I made went to an answering machine. its probably sitting in some landfill after everything my father owned was carted off by the trailer park owners took ownership of his premade house. But its not where it was going that was important its what I needed form that answering machine. I had things to say to Dad. I had things I had to let out. Actually I still do. I tell stories about him to James and Camille, and I talk to him sometimes when I feel him or the need for him more specifically.