Dialing to 11

The rare Burton hug

Beginnings of my character journey:

I have been listening to a lot of wrestling podcasts. I have also been watching a bunch of wrestling for months. A good friend turned me back on to it after a very long two decade dry spell. I enjoyed the occasional watching of Hulkamania going wild or more specifically watching Biker Taker, but it was never consistent. Until I realized what I was watching. That friend pointed out to me the method these people go through to find their character. That conversation lead me into understanding more about myself and asked me the question: What do I want? How do I get it? By Dialing to 11.

Heroes:

For this understanding I had to be honest with myself. I had actually been tortured for a couple of months as this struggle within me grew. When you hear the story of the wrestlers who created some of the more iconic characters the stories behind them are similar. During a time away from the main stage there is a moment of honesty or clarity where the character they form is based on something about themselves dialed up to 11. A hero is just that. It's a good person who is Dialing to 11 because the situation demands it.

Dialing down.

I expect a lot of myself from a moral point of view. I take it seriously as a reaction to the overindulgence and selfish POV my parents dwelled in as addicts. However I realized this year I had never allowed myself to truly admit how bad I wanted to do the Writer/Artist path.

How dearly I craved being able to help others find that path. I am empathetic, I love to help others, and I love enjoying creation. However I don't always get to feel those things. Some projects dial you down, they ask you to be a servant instead of the trumpeting rock star that is inside of you. The reason I mention this is I saw an opportunity that once I took felt good. At first it seemed as things went on that it was gathering momentum, and I thought I could direct it where i wanted to go but I was wrong. I was wrong because it dialed me down. It happened incrementally until everything I loved about being me was dismissed. The project was dialing to 11 but not in the direction I wanted to be.

Being honest:

Long ago there was a bully who wanted something from me. It was something my dad had given me. I was too big a kid for physical bullying but emotional pressure refusing to accept a now, well it took its toll over time. When My dad found out he was pissed. Dad was always Dialing to 11. he got it back, I still have it to this day, but he was concerned that I allowed it to happen. He was right to be concerned. I made that mistake several other times. I made that mistake and kneecapped my life at least twice. This most recent time after working on what turned into an unending project I realized I was not being honest with myself. I had allowed a possible opportunity blind me about me. That changed and had many affects this year.

Dialing to 11:

I was at a con in Chico. (Good times by the way) the other creators who knew me stopped by my table not once not twice but three times they had said that there was a change. I thought they mean t in my booth as I strive to keep it professional, and improve it. What they meant was me. I was laughing, I was teaching others about my process when a con-goer asked questions. I had gone to other tables and offered to help with things, I had networked more in one day then I had in two years.

It was an eye opener. I had not realized how subdued I had been the couple of years before. I'm a naturally boisterous person when in the company of my fellow geeks. That Con was small but I had more fun than the last two years worth in one day. I'm making progress daily on the next issue of Damage Inc. I illustrated a new issue of Vampire of the lost road. I illustrated Thieves of Fate, added to my Angry Brain Artworks studio inside of Scattered comics by adding my sister Kira's works.  I'm in a podcast with a message I believe in, and I am no longer struggling with the weight of some one elses dreams on my back.

I carry my dreams on my back, and those of the family who believe in me. The real me, instead of the me they want me to be.

Dialing to 11

Two Burtons Dialing to 11 who they are.

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