“We just jail broke from an ICU wing, we have a full tank of gas, you have a patch on one eye, we don’t really know where the hospital in SF is, and you probably won’t make the trip…” -Matt

“Hit it…” -James

My closest friend had to literally kidnap me from a hospital in Reno. My insurance company was fighting with my doctors and trying to find a way to prevent me from going to San Francisco. They stopped the life flight and they stopped the ambulance. In an act of desperation Matt asked my doctor to go take lunch, and as fast as we could get unhooked, “borrowed” a wheel chair and loaded me into his pickup.

Its time to go ICU Jail Break time.

Doctors said I could die any moment which is why we weren’t supposed to drive down, and now we were cannonballing at 120mph hurtling through I80 like a racetrack. Half way through though I was starting to panic. Just three days before which was four or five weeks after my first child was born I collapsed from the lvl 4 lymphoma tearing my insides apart. I was getting that sense of injustice that only dying can give you. I started to ask why? Why me? What damned nun did I rape in a previous life? What in the hell did I do to deserve this?

Matt and I have been friends a very long time.

Matt has had my back literally since the day I met him. from the time I was 13 he had been my partner in crime. No questions asked, no matter how much of a jackass I was being. That day was no exception. He calmly, without looking away from the road said “For the smartest guy I know you are an idiot sometimes. It’s not that you did something evil James. Everyday you help others, you have made a difference in so many other people’s lives. It’s the good you do. Evil doesn’t hunt its own. It hunts its opposition, and you my friend are not, and have never been, evil.”

I talk a lot, but that made me shut the hell up. Matt in a space of thirty seconds had just taught me something I was trying to learn my whole life. For the first time ever I stopped being the person who deserved to be punished, and became someone worth fighting for. Hours later after getting lost by the pier, (A story for another time.) we were in UCSF, and despite predictions I survived the trip. A doctor came to my bed, sat down and said “We will buy you all the time we can, but if you are going to survive you have to stay positive, or your body won’t fight this.”

For the first time in my life I said “I can do that.” and meant it. Matt had saved my life twice in the same day.

That moment changed me…

It feels like that moment was a big deal, finding personal value has been a quest for me, and this lead me to being a better father, husband, and friend. Now I am on the trail towards my dreams, building towards a kickstarter, and showing my kids a bad ass doesn’t stop until they built their legacy.

Are you doing the same thing? Have you never realized you are worth fighting for? Often times we fight for others and forget that we are worth it as well. My fight against cancer began at that moment. It turned me form a victim, into a survivor. Even now at this moment I am still fighting for the life I want. Because I am worth it. I would love to tell me you are worth fighting for, reply back if only just to say that. I promise you will feel different. Do not wait for your own ICU Jail Break.